Talk about unexpected: Then and Now.

It appears that some years ago I began a blog, a blog in which I had completely forgotten. Now, two years later, I'm finding it again. I'm astonished at what I read. I had forgotten how hurt and lost I had been. I pray that I will never result to such a lifestyle again and I will never let anyone affect me to such a measure of depression. It's crazy to see how much I have changed in such a short span of time. I'm so grateful that I found myself and God. At that time I believed I was a christian, but I was so lost. I allowed a silly boy to control my life and most importantly my heart... It was sad and all around stupid, but it is what everyone goes through at least once in their lifetime. I thank God that I am no longer tied to such painful anguish and that my life is nothing short of what God has planned for me. I hope that someone can learn from me and realize before it's too late that life is worth so much more then what they could ever imagine. No one should ever let themselves fall to such a level of depression that they contemplate hurting themselves, or worse, death. I know what it's like and I'm not proud of it, but it was a part of my life and I learned from it. I only hope that maybe one day some girl or boy that is struggling as I did will read this and know that they are not alone. But even more importantly they will know that God is with them, though it may not feel he is, He is.

poem....

Her wrist shines red from each small cut.

She need to stop and seal it shut.

Her heart is broken.

Never to be mended.

A lifeless heart slowly ended.

Her head fills with images of him.

She cant take anymore.

Not again.

She positions the cold metal in the right place.

This time she wont heal.

She will sink into the darkness.

The blade pierces her skin.

Her heart beats real fast.

The last set of memories that happened to last pass.

Her heart begans to slow.

No one will ever know.

No one but him.

Her hand clutches a small sheet of paper.

Declaring her undying love.

A love that killed her.

A love that broke her.

A love that was impossible to have.

One impossible to find.

Her heart comes to a stop.

No more pain to feel.

Nothing more to deal.

Her life is over.

But his love still remains.

He now knows the truth.

And is left with his youth.

Her heart has done stopped beating.

He has been defeated.

He now has to live knowing she felt the same.

He is playing and none winning game.

He can take no more.

His heart is just too sore.

Her face haunts his every though.

Leaving him with nothing but loosing war.

With a smooth shiny gun.

He will leave it all behind.

A speeding bullet through the heart.

He finally has his fresh start.

Falling next to her stony grave,

This was his only fate.

By: Alicia Cable

The truth.

I loved you more than I loved myself. I trusted you with my heart. I believed everything you told me. When you said "I love you" I believed it. It was my mistake... for this stupid heartache. You ripped my heart from my chest and devoured it. I can never love anyone the same, never. I dont know who to trust with my heart or if I can trust anyone at all. I'm scared to even like a guy now. I don't want to feel that pain again. And no matter what you have done to me I still love and miss you. I want us to be together again. I want you to hold me, to kiss me. I want to feel your arms around me and for you to tell me you love me. I miss the way your heart would beat fast when you held me. I even miss the sweet scent of your skin, the taste of your lips. Do you not see what you have done to me?

Freak it all.

realationship problems....

Why do we as humans strive to be in relationships when most of the time we get hurt. We live each day looking for that one person and when we think we have found our "prince charming" he turns out to be just another loser in disguise. And when we go to others for answers we always hear the same thing:
1. They arent the right person for you, you will get over it.
2. You have to be patient.
3. You will find the love of your life, just give it time.
4. You just have to keep looking.
5. Maybe something will happen.
6. He would be lucky to have you, it's his loss.
and so on...
It seems that everyone is so set on finding that "one love of their life" when really all they get is so much heartache. Why look so hard? I mean if its true love wont it find you?
Idk? Maybe I'm just crazy. But yea.